This was an answer over on Quora.
I have friends who embrace the term, and friends who don’t. It’s up to them; it isn’t up to me. If I’m with friends who self-describe as faghags, we all use it – much like gay men who are comfortable with each other will call each other faggot and queen. (I do this, too, depending on the social circle I’m with.)
But if somebody dislikes it, I won’t use it with them.
I don’t feel like it’s inherently offensive, just because it’s historically been a slur, or connected to a slur. I think there’s power in reclaiming slurs across the board.
But it’s not up to me to tell a specific woman it’s okay because I think it’s “reclaiming.”
It’s only useful in that way if it’s chosen as such.
Madonna: “Let’s face it, I’m a big ‘ole faghag.”
Madonna shouldn’t call herself what we all know she is? Eh. I don’t see it. Others will object, and that’s fine, but if it’s something we choose, and embrace, why is it insulting? Because the word “hag” has shitty connotations? Because “fag” does? Okay. But there’s something really amazing, and particularly special about the women who hang around in the gay scene, the women who are there because they specifically want to be, because they’re us, too. If they want to embrace “faghag” in much the way I embrace “fag,” I think it’s fantastic. If you don’t, you don’t. That’s okay.
babble 