This turned into one of my semi-popular answers over on Quora.
The reality you’re going to have to face is that not all words are open to you.
You don’t get to call me “Queen” or “faggot,” even if my friends get to.
You and I don’t get to call trans women “tranny,” even if other trans people get to.
Not all terms are available to you. That’s a simple fact. Get used to it.
You don’t own the emotional reality of those terms, for those people. They own them. You didn’t grow up hearing “faggot” used as a slur and knowing, to the bones, that that was directed at you. You didn’t grow up a gender-variant gay boy hearing “faggot” and related slurs the way they were used to slur me.
I get to reclaim those terms, for my use. They aren’t for you. They don’t describe you. They’re not open to you.
Similarly, you aren’t black. You haven’t grown up hearing shit like, “the only good nigger is a dead nigger,” or “you know, I don’t mind blacks, it’s the niggers I can’t stand.”
The emotional reality of those terms isn’t something you ever experienced, and it isn’t something you ever will experience, because you are not that person.
Just as you aren’t gay, if you’re a straight guy, wondering why it’s all right when my friends call me a fag, but it’s not okay if you do it.
It’s not okay.
Some words aren’t open to you. That’s all you really need to understand.
If that feels unfair to you, try to imagine living in a world where you aren’t entitled to extra shit just because your skin is brown.
babble 